By guest blogger Melissa Wells with editor Craig Weiner
There’s no denying that sex is a big part of a relationship, and problems in the bedroom can sometimes be a sign that something isn’t quite right, but is an inability to perform always a sign of a stale relationship? It’s not, and, deep down, most of us know this, but it can be very hard to accept. Feeling wanted in a relationship is of huge importance, and, quite frankly, it can feel truly awful when a partner’s body doesn’t want us, even if their mind does. In some cases, however, it’s simply easier to accept rejection than to discuss what’s really going on. Men aren’t machines, and standing to attention isn’t always as easy as just clicking the fingers! There are many things that can affect a man’s ability to perform in the bedroom, and rather than ending the relationship the moment things go a little off track, it’s important to try and identify the problem, and find a solution.
What’s Wrong?
There are many causes of erectile dysfunction other than not feeling attracted to a partner, and these can be grouped into three different categories: physical causes, emotional causes, and medical causes. As you’ll see, an erection is much more complex than simply whether your partner is attracted to you or not!
Physical Causes
For men to get an erection, their brain needs to send signals to their penis, and the body needs to increase blood flow to the pelvic region. If either of these processes are interrupted, it’s just not going to work. Getting blood to the penis can be difficult if a man has a heart problem, for example, which means that the heart cannot pump blood at a fast enough rate to produce an erection, and the messages between the brain and the penis can be intercepted if a man has experienced a stroke, for example. Hormone imbalances can also play a role in this, such as in cases of over or under-active thyroid activity.
Emotional Causes
‘No honey, I’m not in the mood tonight’. You’ve probably said that once or twice, but how would you feel if your partner said that to you? Emotions play a big role in sex and desire, and sometimes men just aren’t in the right frame of mind. Stress, depression, and anxiety are some of the major causes of impotence in otherwise healthy men, so if your partner is going through a busy time at work, is worried about money, or has recently lost a family member, for example, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise if his brain, and his body, aren’t really in the mood.
Medical Causes
Has your partner recently started taking a new medication? Believe it or not, some medications can actually cause, or promote, erectile dysfunction. Some of the most notorious medications for contributing to impotence are antihistamines, blood pressure medication, antidepressants, diuretics, and anything containing steroids.
Are There Solutions?
Absolutely! Neither you or your partner should be forced to go without sex if you don’t want to. However, the right solution really depends on the underlying cause of the impotence. If the cause is determined to be in the emotional realm, taking action to reduce the negative emotional stress, such as using EFT Tapping on the stress causing issues will go a long way to resolving the underlying issues. Other choices such as exercising regularly and encouraging greater self-care can really help. In terms of medical causes it is, of course, irresponsible to stop taking medications without consulting a doctor, so perhaps encourage your partner to speak to a doctor and see if alternative medications or treatments for the condition in question are available.
How to be Supportive
An inability to ‘get it up’ is one of the worst things that can happen to men. An erection is something they’re proud of, it confirms their masculinity, and to have that taken away is really quite devastating. It’s important not to draw attention to the fact, or pester your partner as to why he can’t perform in the bedroom, as this will just cause stress, and will exacerbate the problem. However, it is important to talk about it, so you can discuss why it’s happening, and what can be done about it. Perhaps the worst thing you can do is blame yourself, and this is when relationships begin to struggle. Telling your partner that he’s clearly not attracted to you anymore isn’t going to help. Instead just talk things through, be supportive, don’t rush him, and see what options are available to you. Don’t end it – work on it!
