Dealing with Emotional Pain of a Hurtful Marriage

Married life can be a source of tremendous emotional pain. In the case of an incidence of cheating or betrayal, the affected partner may commonly feel a chronic gnawing pain if the issue remains unresolved and naturally there may be thoughts on when to end it. Even if the relationship is over, the pain may still linger and keep an individual from moving on with life. How can someone be free of this pain?

People use different coping mechanisms in dealing with pain. You may read or hear about something which someone else did to ease their pain. You can try it, but your pain may be deeply rooted in your personal history, so another person’s strategy may not work for you. As an emotional freedom techniques (EFT) coach, I apply techniques to help people with different experiences and pain that they have experienced in their marriages.

When you’re already considering when to end your marriage because of betrayal, you should consider applying EFT on yourself. Try following these steps:

  1. Write down specific events in the affair and the ways in which you found out about them.
  2. Identify the correlating emotion and the place you may feel that emotion in your body and grade it from 0-10 on an intensity scale.
  3. Write a statement that includes elements in 1 and 2 and begin tapping.
  4. Re-evaluate your scale number and see how many notches it has fallen.

The process must be done for each type of pain or issue. More often than not, people tend to think that it’s just one pain, when it’s really several that needs to be addressed. For example you may be in touch with the anger, but under that is deep anguish, and under that is shame and perhaps even guilt. You may need to do this more than once for you to be free of all the hurt so that you can move forward in healing yourself from this betrayal pain.