How to heal a bad relationship? He said, she said, he did, she did, are all phrases that I hear constantly in our office. Layers and layers of disappointments, unrealized expectations, and constant attacks make up the bulk of most of the complaints. These perceived character flaws and transgressions can easily begin to decay the vision one has of a loving and intimate relationship.
Whenever we work with our clients on “their lovers’ issues,” our goal is always to remove the barriers and grievances that are so emotionally charged first. If at the end of that period of discharge the client still finds that the relationship doesn’t work, then they can move towards a better future, which may very well be alone. This will then not be about running away from a negative situation, but moving towards a life that really works for them. Then those significant issues will not haunt them with the next partner.
Begin your process by listing all the faults you see in your mate and systematically tap on them until they are a true zero in the level of intensity. Many people can remember an event or situation that started the decline. This is is where we would have you work on and tap next. Another enlightening exercise is to list the aspects of the other person that remind you of one of your parents and tap on and heal all the baggage from your parental relationships.
Finally, use this time to observe how your spouse is really a perfect mirror in which you can see all the projections of self-loathing that you still need to work on. Remember what the Oracle at Delphi said, “Know thyself and you will know the secrets of the Gods.” Your relationship to yourself must be the best it can be or it will continue to attract incompleteness in your relationships.
