Recently I held an evening open discussion in our community and my guest presenter was a lovely heartfelt psychiatrist. The topic of the evening was raising daughters into powerful women. It’s our option that given the right tools strong powerful women will have a clearer sense of when to end it and when to stay. The conversation explored how teenage girls needed to be given a safe space and permission to explore and communicate their emotions freely in order to develop a strong sense of their own inner voice for creating lives that were rich and meaningful. She spoke to the importance of the molding that happens during those years that lay the templates that often last for decades, if not an entire lifetime. Again this dovetails our course in when to end it.
When it came to the discussion of emerging female adolescent sexuality, she made a point that resonated with the audience more than any other. All parents want to protect their daughters, to keep them safe from harm, but probably in no arena more so than regarding the exploration of sexual expression. We all want to see our daughters appreciated, cherished and safe from any possibility of sexual harm. She said that what we really want is for our daughters to consider themselves to be Goddesses. That if we as parents knew that they saw themselves this way, and that only worthy knights would be given permission to enter the Garden of Eden, then we could relax more, trusting them to have an accurate authenticity radar detector that is based upon a profound sense of self worth regarding their sexuality. This idea was greeted with a wave of head nodding and even applause, myself included.
My continued reflection on this notion led me to an obvious question. Why should not every woman be not only raised that way by their parents, but treated that way by their adult partner? Should teenage girls be the only ones to be held in goddess esteem status? As the feminine is the source of all life, should that not alone grant them such status? Should not every woman with whom we are in deep and intimate relationship be seen that way? And if there is ever a moment at which that can and should be seen and revered is during the act of lovemaking. When a man or woman approaches their female partner in the bedroom, is there really any other way that she should be approached? I think awe is an under utilized feeling in our sexual culture. Love-making, physical intimacy, coitus, sex-play, whatever the form or term used, when approached as if one is being given the honor and blessing of approaching source through the goddess is the surest way to reach a transcendent state through this physical exploration. Does that mean that there can’t be humor and playfulness and teasing and distractions woven in? Of course not. But having a sense of ceremony, a sense of the sacred blended in makes a huge difference in the degree of connection that a couple feels about each other. Approaching a goddess does not make you an inferior mortal by the way. Presenting yourself in the divine energy that you are is an equally powerful role that allows for her to treat you the same in return. Trust me, that when a woman is treated and made to feel as if she is being appreciated, honored, respected and is the source of your devotion and inspiration, your lovemaking will not run short of passion and deep connection.
So what if you are reading this and it makes you feel angry or resentful that this looks nothing like your love life? Do you think sure, that guy is off in some tantric La La Land without a job or kids or dogs or debt or any of the other life stressing, sex-killing responsibilities. If you are thinking that it is understandable, but it will fortunately bring up many tappable issues that can move you towards clarifying what needs to happen with your relationship. If you have never had this kind of connection and the idea of it seems impossible to you, that is important to note, because it is indeed very possible and as a woman you deserve this. You might look to tap on what and when you developed your beliefs about what is possible to expect from sex or from a partner. If you have had experiences like this but it has been a long while, then it is important for you to tap on what resistance you may have to communicating with your partner about how your sexual connection has waned or become more matter of fact than sacred.
Love-making offers us as human beings in partnership a fabulous opportunity to see very clearly how authentic we are with our loved one, how vulnerable we are willing to be, how safe we feel and much more. It is a powerful process that sheds a bright light on the depth of connection that we have with our partner that can lead to both great healing and/or great pain.