What to Do When It’s Time to “Do Us Part”

According to a dictionary definition, matrimony is “the state of being a married couple voluntarily joined for life (or until divorce). I don’t know if this will surprise you, but it used to be defined as “being joined for life or until death.” Those are the words in the ceremony, not “till divorce do you part.” It’s an interesting observation which only goes to show our changing perceptions of marriage even when we still hold on to an ideal.

Having an ideal concept is well and good, but more often than not, we only strive for it, look at it from a distance, and never really get there. An ideal exists in a perfect world where there are no variables to affect it. But we don’t live in a perfect world and we are subject to forces and circumstances that push us to make decisions. In matrimony, it’s the choice of when to end it or when to stay.

A relationship that becomes rocky may have any of the following as the cause: arguments, blaming, criticism, controlling behavior, putdowns, lack of respect, a drop in intimacy, emotional distance, physical absence, diverted attention, indifference, dishonesty, lack of appreciation, and depression. If these challenges are not addressed, a downward spiral ensues and those involved tend to seek what they are missing, or what they’ve lost in the relationship, outside of the marriage.

If you experience any one of the factors above, then you may be in a bad relationship. Now there are many reasons why people don’t leave a bad relationship, but most of it boils down to fear.

By accepting both your fears and your self, you can place yourself (perhaps together with your partner) in a position to make a decision. Whether or not you do it by yourself or together, you will need to decide if you want to keep the status quo in a relationship or choose when to end it. By using emotional freedom techniques, you can make tapping statements which are affirmations of you accepting yourself and your decision. Here’s one: “Even though I am afraid of being alone, I deeply and completely accept myself and my choice.” Being able to accept yourself and your choices gives you freedom. You can then start anew.